Allow me to ramble

There's not a whole lot going on right now. The heat and humidity are keeping me inside for the most part and quite frankly, if I sit too long, I nap. I've had a lot of naps lately. To be honest, though, I've no great desire to go anywhere like the mall or a park - I even skipped the Dragonboat races completely. It wasn't really even the heat that kept me home - I would've endured it if I really wanted to be there. I just didn't care.

I was walking the dog the other night and remembered when I could hustle home, get the camera and get back to the river fast if I saw something while on the dike. I'd walk over to Wilkes-Barre for no reason other than to see what I could see. Now, I can't be bothered. Maybe it's the cancer or maybe it's because I'm at a different place in my life now, part of a family unit again and not just me and a cat, or maybe it's age and weight (thank you cancer/midlife/meds). Maybe it's a combination of all. I just don't want it to be me giving up and in.

I usually don't think of myself as sick. I look and feel fairly healthy and if you passed me on the street, you'd never guess that technically, I'm terminally ill (we can argue the "short period of time" bit of the definition - I plan to beat that). I won't lie - I've used that as a reason to not do certain things (No, Fidelity people, I don't want to talk about 401k options - I am no longer contributing and not likely to see 59 [statistics say, anyway]). I have a handicap placard, but I don't use it often because I'm still healthy enough to walk the length of a parking lot, thank you (I got it when I had a collapsed lung and couldn't walk more than a few feet without gasping for air - normally it recurs fairly quickly with this condition, but mine has not been as bad again, probably due to scar tissue).
Those are my concessions to the disease.

I guess I've just changed and not because of the cancer. I'm content and I like where I'm at in my life. I got to find out who "me" is and now I'm happy settling down to just enjoy whatever comes next.

The cancer hasn't affected how corny I am or how I can say so little in so many words.  :)